Saturday, March 19, 2011

Spiderweb Something-Or-Other

I complained about this story a couple of days ago...

Anyway, I'm calling it Spiderweb Raindrops or Spiderweb Tears or Spiderweb Something-To-Do-With-Water and that's because of a scene I had during science class. For being so awful, science class is a great way to daydream new ideas with kind of weird technology and everything.

It's a science fiction story that focuses mostly on a team and what makes a team and what happens when someone gets in the way of that team... with loyalty from some of the people. Asheme makes a great villain because he's practically insane. But he's not insane. He's just... one step away from screaming. And. Oh. I'm enjoying this story.

But I've written most of the first day. The story is in twelve days, so I'm just calling the chapters days. And I mean, I thought it was going to be short. The first day; there's still a few scenes missing and it's over 4500 words long. And, it's the first day. I introduce a lot of characters, a bit of tension, but almost none of the war with the Old World.

The characters - the ones I've developed, anyways - Ora, Carmen, Maris, Salrev, Asheme and Erik are great. Marilee and Logan are getting there just because I've changed the ship they fly, made them twins and decided which city they grew up in. Nash and Duce are just... sort of hanging in the space between the Moon and Jupiter. Because, well, no one's ever been to Jupiter.

^.^ That was Carmen's first line. Well, no. It was Nash's first line. But is was the line that introduced Carmen. It also sets up space technology without the hyperspace technology that most space stories use. I'm enjoying some of the scenes I'm thinking of. There's this one where Ora asks Carmen what war she's fighting. And Carmen says don't be silly and everything but she can't answer Ora and I know it's been done before and everything, but Ora and Carmen have some great interractions.

And Erik's the kid who fights with Ora's all the time. And they're both the longer members of the group. So, I supposed that people will think they'll end up love interests, but Erik is so completely loyal to Asheme and he's almost goes insane during Ora's second mission (Erik's fourth), they just never get along. And then Erik runs a suicide mission that everyone tells him not to do and dies and, he's just so... Erikish. He's a special character.

Keil doesn't like him, however, so I'm wondering how that dynamic will play out in my mind. So far, this is my favorite scene from Day One:

      Someone screamed. It was a horrible sound. Like... the way street-rats cried out when they were cornered by the drunken dregs. It was the way a woman cried out when she was separated from her child. It was how a trapped man screams when his life is being slowly, every so slowly, sucked away. Salrev's grip tightened. His fingers dug into my skin and pulled me onward. The screaming got closer as we walked. I scanned the hallways, looking for the awful sound. We rounded a corner and I stopped.
       A man slumped against a side wall, his head between his knees. He was shaking and clutched at his hair in desperation. His screams echoed through the hallways. I stared. His uniform was the same as mine. I could feel Salrev trying to pull me on, but the Pilot felt more important. The man screamed.
      “Miss Anton,” the lieutenant hissed in my ear, “we must continue.”
      I refused to acknowledge him. The man huddled against the wall and no one moved to help him. Why would no one move to help him? I had seen bodies slumped against walls, bruised and broken until life had simply left them, but he was still alive and he was in pain. Why would no one help him?
      “Miss Anton,” the voice sounded very far away. I swallowed, struggling to maintain my balance.
       There was a small noise directly beside my left ear. I jumped a little. A health worker stood beside me, a small pistol clutched in his hands. I blinked. What...? Before I could fully process the thought, the health worker leveled the gun, pointing it at the man. Somehow, before the trigger was pulled, I ended up against the wall opposite the screaming man, with Lieutenant Salrev covering my ears. But I still saw the gun recoil.
       I saw the man recoil.
       And I could still hear his last scream. It rung in my ears over and over and over and over as he slumped to the side.
       The health worker turned to us and offered a hand, helping Lieutenant Salrev up. “Sorry kid,” said the worker, slipping the gun into his belt. “Just remember rule number twenty-six. Ignore the screamers.” He walked away.

1 comment:

  1. I guess maybe I didn't really think of this before, but I love the rules. I kind of want to find out what the rest of them are. That sounds so stupid, but really, they're kind of creepy and weird and I love them =P So that's just what I got out of reading this (sort of) a second tiem.